Train Talk

Gurdjieff once taught that humans go around their daily lives three quarters asleep. He came up with this notion even though, as far as I can tell, he never road on the Long Island Rail Road. I hate to trash talk the LIRR because some of the people who work there seem very nice, and I know they feel like they are the heroes of their own personal epic. However, their use of the English language often makes me cringe. It is not as prevalent now as it was years ago, but you occasionally here one of them announce:"Penn Station is our last and final stop," blissfully unaware of the fact that last and final are synonyms. Another night the conductor, working from some set script lectures us that large bags may be inspected by the NYPD. Too bad the train was leaving New York at the time.

However, my favorite is the use of the word "accommodate." This comes up when they cancel my 5:19 train and tell us that we will be "accommodated" by the 5:24 local train. What we are actually being is grossly inconvenienced. How I have fantasized about going to the dispatcher and giving her a piece of my mind.

Coming in this morning, they let us off at Track 12, which is below the AMTRAC waiting room. I finally got to an escalator and stepped on before I realized that it was not working that morning, just like many other mornings. I do have a helpful tip for them, If the escalator is not working, why not save electricity by turning off the recorded message of a chirpy-voiced announcer giving you instructions about how to ride an escalator. In the 59th Street subway station the recorded message reminds you that the escalators are for subway passengers only. I am 150 feet underground. How else could I be there if I was anything but a subway passenger?

Now all of the New York area is excited by the prospect of even worse service and higher fares. MTA, here is a new word for your vocabulary - MORONS.